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Let's All Go to the Lobby!

October 16, 2008 - Wes Burns
Who doesn't like a good movie?

Occasionally you meet people that don't like movies, at least not the movies shown at the cathedral of modern film, the Multiplex. But these are the people that don't buy a TV because "nothing good is on" yet will watch 10 straight hours of TV on DVD because "TV isn't NORMALLY this good. Have you ever heard of 'The Sopranos'?" Yes I have because I own a TV like a regular person.

And like a regular person I also love the multiplex. Huge screens, icy-cold seats in the summer, slightly cooler seats in the winter and a sound system so strong it could dislocate your shoulder.

At least I like the CONCEPT of the multiplex. Sure the screens are huge but that means you have to put up with more belligerent underage children attempting to duck the "patrols" from the ushers. Big sound systems mean that during the quiet parts of the dramatic movie I paid to see I have to hear the bass line of the third-act score for Beverly Hills Chihuahua. And the less said about the concession stand the better.

Yet for all of these faults I like the multiplex. Lots of movies, lots of options and it always smells like popcorn.

At least it should. Sadly this is no longer true in Marshalltown.

The local Fridley theater, which is surprisingly operated by a guy named Fridley which I always assumed was a corporate name, is not going to show the new Oliver Stone movie "W" this weekend when it opens. When pressed for an answer Mr. Fridley said "Marshalltown isn’t opening W because the film company wouldn’t give us a print. It will probably open on 10/31 or 11/7 pending print availability".

How dare you sir! Just because the company didn't send you the film and you have almost no control over what you show is no excuse to make people have to choose between drek like "Body of Lies" and shlock like "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist"! Just typing that last title makes me feel icky.

I'm not the biggest Oliver Stone fan. "Platoon" was great, "JFK" was good and "World Trade Center" reminded me of those late night commercials where they sell silver certificates with pictures of the towers that are only legal tender in Liberia. But I wanted to see this movie.

Why? Am I an ardent supporter of the President? No. Do I think that Stone is going to lambaste Bush? No. Its because the trailer had a song from one of my favorite bands, The Talking Heads, called "Once in a Lifetime". It was a unique context for the song and it made me interested in the movie. That's it.

So instead of seeing this movie where there may be some cool and unheard of use of the Talking Heads I get to see what? That's right: Kirk Cameron's "Fireproof".

Kirk Cameron? "Fireproof"? This is the movie where Cameron plays a guy who fights fires with what I can only assume is some heavy handed religious symbolism. Cameron is so far gone from what the rest of us call "reality" that during scenes in the movie where his character kisses his character's wife the producers had to bring in Cameron's REAL WIFE in a wig so that Kirk wouldn't offend God. What exactly about the Lord leads Mike Seaver to believe that He doesn't understand acting? How dumb do you think God is?

So once again if I want to see a movie that isn't horrid (I'm looking at you "Nights in Rodanthe") I have to travel out of town. All while Mike Seaver plays "Backdraft" and worries about the religious ramifications of playing pretend.

I'm subscribing to NetFlix.


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