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May 12, 2013 - Wes Burns
Most commercials I see, during those horrible times I?can’t skip them with my DVR, seem to adhere to the current trend of seeing who can create the most unappealing pitch possible for their product. From the KIA commercials that tell me I’ll get beaten up by a cyborg if I?buy their car to a Norelco ad that features the creepiest line from “Silence of the Lambs” (think about that) as a selling point for their ineffective razors it seems that the advertisers want me to be frightened into buying their stuff. I blame those creepy Burger King commercials for starting this wretched trend. And what relief can we, the consuming public, expect from this onslaught of absurdest imagery and bolted-on sales pitches? There seems to be a new trend emerging, but I fear this one, while not aggressively frightening, may have achieved a greater depth of stupidity. You know how some companies have a multitude of spokesmen? Usually insurance companies, notably All State and GEICO; well the latest iteration of ad-stupidity is two have those two "musicians" sing about people who use their insurance are happier than the Pillsbury Doughboy. The Pillsbury Doughboy? Don't get me wrong, the Doughboy has been giggling in commercials since before you were born ... but what does that have to do with car insurance? And not the usual "what does a gecko have to do with car insurance" pablum; Pillsbury is a real company. As in, owned by General Mills and J.M. Smucker; so what business do they have with car insurance? Is this the harbinger of some "Flintstones meets the Jetsons" style crossover deluge that's about to hit the American Adverscape? Is Tony the Tiger going to start telling me what kind of yogurt he and Jamie Lee Curtis enjoy to "stay regular?" Maybe the Keebler Elves really want to buy a Ford Minivan, but first they have to get past the wily CarFox? This is why people skip the commercials, they find new and inventive ways to be inane. And if I see the cowboy hat guy from those Binder&Binder ads (Binder, I believe) teaming up with Travelocity Gnome to sell me Count Chocula brand starter homes (brought to you by the Scrubbing Bubbles) than I'm done with TV. Done. Well, done with the commercials anyway. Now let's all take a moment and thank the guy/gal/team/super intelligent monkey that invented the DVR. Nice job, buddy! Have a banana!