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Futility and Shaq-Fu

June 10, 2008 - Wes Burns
So I've been hearing a lot about rain lately. How much of it, when will it end, is this Armageddon; a lot of important questions being asked by a lot of important people. Until yesterday/early this morning this was as far as I had been affected by the recent flooding, other than detouring around highway 14.

I received a call early yesterday morning from a friend of mine. She told me that, despite her repeated suggestion to the family to install a sump-pump after the last round of flooding, her basement was flooding and she needed help. Always the good friend I show up to assist about nine hours later.

Chasing water out a basement is a futile affair. Employing nothing more than a small armada of wet/dry vacuums, a soggy push broom and an over-sized, novelty Squeegee (tm) a few of us went to work at the Sysiphian chore of slowly collecting the water in a few areas, slowly extracting the water with the vacuum, and slowly losing our minds at the rate which the water returned.

Never have I felt more useless than Squeegeeing (tm) a small corner of basement bone dry only to have a half inch of water return in under ten minutes. Frankly its kind of depressing.

Feeling both damp and depressed I took a break to watch a little news. Lo and behold the news is comparing this flood to the flood of 93. A lot. Every anchor, every weathermen, every bewhiskered DNR rep fills their camera time with as many comparisons to the 93 flood as possible. How much rain, how much water, how fast is the water, how full are the levees; all questions that are missing the real point.

So there is more flooding. It happened in 1993 and it looks like its happening again. You know what else happened in the summer of 1993? That's right: Ace of Base released "All That She Wants". Aside from that seminal Swedish pop anthem 93 saw the release of Meat Loaf's "I Would Do Anything for Love", Snow's "Informer" and even "Gangsta" by Bell Biv DeVoe.

So what if the news is telling you that this flood is going to be the worst thing since 93. This flood won't be that bad; in fact the flood back in 1993 wasn't even the worst thing that happened that year. The worst thing about 93 was that Fu-Schnickens song they did with Shaquille O'Neal "What's Up Doc (Can We Rock)". More devastating than any deluge.


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