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Board at the movies

October 7, 2011

Who DOESN'T want their kid playing with animal dung? Am I right?

Now you and your family can have all the fun of waiting for your dog to "make" without the uncomfortable bagging/tying/disposing that normally follows.

Introducing "Doggie Doo: The Game," from the good people at Lund and Company Invention, L.L.C.

What better way to spend a Saturday afternoon with the family then your own table top version of the lamentable state fair staple that is cow pie bingo?

Am I kidding? No.

This game, which their website happily touts was a 2010 nominee for Game of the Year (in the Netherlands) is designed to provide all the fun and excitement of feeding a dog and letting him out. The "winner" is the first person to collect three pieces of "doo" on their shovel.

Aside from the nomination throwing my respect for the Dutch into serious question, who thought this was going to be a good idea?

Was some executive sitting on his veranda, watching his children play with their dog in the back yard, trying to think of the next Monopoly? "I've got it! Kids today aren't interested in money and investments and mortgages; where would they even hear about such topics? Kids today like following animals around and collecting fecal matter! Corner office here I come!"

Is there such a dearth of quality board games that this, THIS is what the industry has come up with?

Perhaps this is all that is left. Perhaps I'm completely off base and people really do like... no, no that can't be it. Perhaps its because all the other board games have been turned into movies.

Don't get me wrong, I loved the movie "Clue;" in fact I think of the movie before I think of the game. But "Clue" was about characters with funny names ... and murder.

Today we don't get "Clue." Today we get Riddley Scott (yeah, the guy who did "Blade Runner" and "Gladiator") directing the movie version of "Monopoly."

I can only assume the movie revolves around one heroic thimble's attempt to revive the flailing Baltic Avenue district while avoiding the machinations of the evil Top Hat.

But "Monopoly" is far far in the future; like 2013. "Battleship," on the other hand, is coming out in May of 2012.

Of all the inexplicable board game-to-movie adaptations "Battleship" makes sense, right?

A bunch of people on a ship, some other ship comes along, they fight, some moron in the audience (me) yells "he sunk my battleship!" roll credits, everybody goes home happy.

Go check out the trailer. It starts out like a normal movie. Young guy in the Navy is in love with his captains daughter. The Captain doesn't like him but grudgingly accepts him on his battleship as they head out to participate in some war games.

Fine. So, something is going to happen during the war games, right? Rogue Russian boat? The Chinese navy? Maybe some made up country?

When Captain Hero and Underachieving Heartthrob get to the rendezvous point they investigate some strange readings in the water and find ... aliens.

Aliens. Giant ship, Michael Bay looking aliens rise out of the water, then float on top of the water, then they begin fighting the other battleships.

Lets forget the fact that the aliens decided to FLY to Earth, the FLOAT around on the water. Why, exactly, are there aliens in the first place?

But that's still eight months away! Can't I?be disappointed in American movies today?

You're in luck! Coming out today is "Reel Steel," which no one on this planet can convince me is anything other that a movie version of "Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots."

Hugh Jackman plays a guy who stands outside a ring and controls a robot inside the ring that punches another robot while Hugh jumps around outside the ring ... just like every kid playing Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots.

"Monopoly," "Battleship," and "Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots." Well, that's three pieces for my shovel. Somebody call Lund and Company, we have a winner!


Copy Editor Wes Burns is a Friday columnist. The views expressed in this column are personal views of the writer and don't necessarily reflect the views of the T-R. Contact Wes Burns at 641-753-6611 or



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