I, as all good Americans were, was shocked to learn that Newton Gingrich's campaign will remain suspended, thereby ending the inevitable Gingrich/Burns 2012 ticket.
This could have been our time, Newt!
With the dissolution of Mr. Moon Base's Campaign for the Presidency of Outer Space the burden of default falls upon the shoulders of Mitt Romney.
I'm going to miss the Gingrich campaign. They had everything a good GOP campaign could ever want: massive debt, a deep nostalgia for a mythical "Good America" that apparently disappears whenever a Democrat is President and frequent trips to the zoo ... now, who wouldn't vote for the candidate that knew the most about meerkats?
While we may never again get to elect a President as well versed in rhinoceros feeding habits as Gingrich one thing I am certain of is that, whoever sits in the Oval Office come January of 2013, that person will agree that everything used to be great in America.
Everything used to be great.
Like some kind of political hipsters our presidential hopefuls from both sides of the spectrum have donned their thick rimmed glasses, signed up for Instagram and decided to tell us how great America was before it went all "mainstream."
If this kind of nostalgia was quarantined to the political discourse/rancor of the American Conversation then we could all brush it aside.
But this toxic nostalgia has escaped its quarantine and is being released on an unsuspecting public.
Proof: Mick Jagger will host "Saturday Night Live!"
Hey, you got your "outdated" in my "irrelevant!" Well you got your "irrelevant" in my "outdated!" Together they taste like NBC!
So the good people at The Big Peacock have decided to Weekend at Bernie's Mick Jagger's corpse in front of a crowd of people willing to laugh at what is bound to be a comedic performance on par with Nancy Kerrigan or Joe Montana.
But like a virus used to bring down an alien spacecraft, toxic nostalgia can be used for good instead of evil.
Behold! A video game adaptation of the pivotal late 80s sitcom "Perfect Strangers."
Oh, to relive those carefree days of Balki, Cousin Larry, the two girlfriends and the mom from "Family Matters."
Yes, "Family Matters" was a spinoff of "Perfect Strangers."
Their inadvertent role in the Urkelization of TV aside, the TV show was a classic. And the "Perfect Strangers" video game captures the essence of that show; that we were all standing tall, on the wings of our dreams.
So I say less nostalgia in our politics, and more nostalgia in our video game adaptations of TV shows. I'm working on one for "Step by Step" as we speak.
Copy Editor Wes Burns is a Friday columnist. The views expressed in this column are personal views of the writer and don't necessarily reflect the views of the T-R. Contact Wes Burns at 641-753-6611 or firstname.lastname@example.org.