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No, I don’t need nail polish

March 19, 2013
By ANDREW POTTER - Staff Writer (apotter@timesrepublican.com) , Times-Republican

Why does every food or drink now have to have a gender attached to it?

And why am I suddenly realizing I'm eating food for women?

It seems there are many advertising campaigns out there that want to put their customer into a gender category. Dr. Pepper came out with pop that was just 10 calories and said it is not for women. Kind of strange to cut off half of the population in your marketing campaign.

But I'm not mad at Dr. Pepper right now.

I'm peeved at the good folks of Kellogg's for leading me to get addicted to a cereal apparently just for women. You know that Special K brand cereal with yogurt bites in it?

It's pretty tasty and I love separating the yogurt bites out and saving them for the end. Little did I know with every yogurt bite I munch on my masculinity has been taking a hit.

Several months ago, the box kept getting pinker and pinker and I continued to munch away, turning a blind eye to the fact. But it has recently gotten worse so I now have to speak up.

Special K has slapped a deal on nail polish right on the front of the box.

Nail polish? Really?

This is how far I've dropped on the man-meter just because I happen to like a cereal that is geared for women.

And it's not like I buy this cereal once in a blue moon - I buy three boxes a week. I suppose I could pretend I'm buying the cereal for my wife, but I know deep down inside it's not the truth.

So I am able to overlook the pink boxes, and now nail polish ads, on the front but I fear the cereal could narrow their focus even more for women. I'm scared to know what's coming next.

Would they cover the box in flowers or plaster shirtless pictures of Bradley Cooper? Maybe I should ween myself off this Special K addiction while I still have some shred of manhood left.

Or maybe balance it out by purchasing the manliest cereal in the aisle.

Unflavored shredded wheat.

That sounds manly. It sounds like a cereal some guy with a long beard and mustache would eat every morning.

And no milk either.

Men don't need milk - they eat it dry out of the bowl by breaking it apart with their calloused hands.

Who am I kidding I don't have a mustache or a beard or calloused hands. I did have a sore wrist last week from too much moving of the mouse at my work computer. I am unfortunately not kidding on that one.

As you can see I still have a long way to go to be a manly man.

But I'm still not wearing nail polish - you hear that Kellogg's?

 
 

 

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