Do you ever feel that you are being taken advantage of? Are certain people constantly asking for your time, borrowing money, or relying on you for things that they could do themselves. To avoid being taken advantage of, focus on building self-confidence, setting clear boundaries, learning to say “no” when necessary, communicating openly about your needs, and recognizing when someone is trying to exploit your kindness or vulnerability.

Some key strategies are to:

• Know your worth: Understand your value and capabilities, and don’t let others diminish your self-esteem.

• Set boundaries: Clearly define what you are comfortable with and what you are not, and stick to them.

• Communicate effectively: Express your needs and concerns directly and assertively.

• Learn to say “no”: Don’t be afraid to decline requests that are unreasonable or inconvenient. Be assertive: Express yourself confidently and stand up for your needs.

• Pay attention to red flags: Be aware of signs that someone might be trying to take advantage of you, like guild-tripping, pressure tactics, or ignoring your boundaries.

• Develop self-awareness: Recognize your own tendencies to people-please or be overly accommodating.

• Trust your gut: If something feels off, it probably is.

Parents, media, and culture at large socialize girls, and some boys, to believe that if they work hard, are good, kind, pleasing, and play by the rules that they will achieve their goals and get what they want out of life.

The reality is that bosses, colleagues, friends, and romantic partners will, oftentimes, take advantage of commendable, dogged persistence. And with passing time, blind persistence can lead to a weakening of the spirit and a lack of feeling your worth.

Persistence is a valuable trait and without persistence, it becomes hard to move ahead and achieve goals. It is also the case that too much of a good thing can become a bad thing.

Many women in particular work hard at their jobs and hope that others will see and value this with an eventual promotion. Many women support their family or friends hoping that they will receive the same emotional support in return. Many women hope their romantic partners will eventually realize that they are taking on the lion’s share of household responsibility and need help.

These kinds of hopes or fantasies rarely deliver and women end up continuing to work and strive without the payout they deserve.

Blind persistence without direct communication of your needs and emotions results in a long game of patience. Patience and hard work alone do not typically deliver the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

The most common reason people get taken advantage of is that they always give things to people whenever they ask but never ask for anything in return, which implants into people’s heads the notion that you are worth less than you are.

The fact is we set our own value, and we set it based on how we allow people to do for us when we do things for them. If we allow people to treat us badly and allow people to constantly take things from us for very little in return, then we are telling that person that that is our price, that that is our worth.

When we set our values low, or more often is the case, let people make us believe that our values are low, even good people take more from us that they should, not by intention but because we tell them that they can, which means when bad people come along things are going to go really bad for us.

We all deserve to be given things, even if it’s just thanks for the things that we give. We all deserve it, and the best way to get it is by never being afraid to not only expect it, but to call out those who don’t give it.

That means one of the best ways to stop people from taking advantage is not only learning to say no when people ask you for things, but remembering that it’s okay to ask others for things, even if just a thanks, a little bit of appreciation. You deserve it, everyone does and if it’s not given, you deserve and have the right to ask for it to be given.

If you feel like you’re being taken advantage of, and need some support in changing, contact Becky or Deb at Together We Can and we would be glad to be there to support you. Our number is (515) 391-3233 or you can stop by our office at 8 W. Church St.

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Becky Brown and Deb Williams are the cofounders

of Together We Can, a mental health nonprofit

based in Marshalltown.